My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
