All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
