If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Found your dick twin last night
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Randomize
