ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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