you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
