I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
