if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize