it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
