did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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