Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
