May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
