My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
