just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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