How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
