Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
