I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
