its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
