apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
