So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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