Whod you bang
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
