I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
