I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
