I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
