You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
