You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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