if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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