So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I need moral support for this bender
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
