First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
