remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
