I cockslap morals
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize