So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
