I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize