oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
