When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
