When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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