I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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