Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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