chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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