he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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