she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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