Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
