Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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