So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
