SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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