He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
