I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
