The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
