Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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