I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize