I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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