Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
