the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
