im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
