If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
