How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize