butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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