in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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