I want to make a zoo with you.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
