My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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