READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Drunk is not a location!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
