I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
