Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
