nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize