I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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