you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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