Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
