I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
